Wife says “There's someone on the phone wants to talk to you about funerals.” 

I say “Hello,”

He says, “Mr Cullen, as I've just been mentioning to your wife; do you have a funeral plan in place…”

And I say “Well, our Paul's doing the music.  I've left him two tapes.  One called Death Disco and the other, rather wittily, or so I thought, called Death Disco Two.  I'm fairly sure I'll go before him.  And believe me, he'll get them the right way round, so it'll be The Perfect Kiss by New Order for starters.” 

The man says “Actually Mr Cullen, it's more about the financial aspect…” 

I say "Don't worry about that either, I'll leave a few hundred quid behind the bar, so everyone who wants to, can have a right good drink." 

Wonder if someone's got a list somewhere with all our names on and when you reach a certain age, a red flag appears next to your name and they ring you about this kind of thing.  He said he'd send me a brochure, but it's not arrived yet. 

And it’s probably a black flag, not a red one.

Martin C