New Year's Resolution

So there it was staring up at me. My penis. Erect (what's new ?). I was lying down watching some TV, when an ad comes along that wakes my dinky dong from it's sleepy slumber. An ad that featured a bevy of semi-clad, pseudo cheerleaders. You know the type.. War paint for make-up, tight boxers for a skirt, all bouncing around with their pom-poms in hand and super sized breasticles almost head butting (tit butting ?) their chin. I obviously have no idea what the commercial was trying to advertise or promote but I didn't care. As it's been almost exactly 9 months since my last foray into a womanly crevasse, this reaction has now become a regular occurrence.

While sitting on the number 65 bus to Kingston, listening to some Beastie Boys old skool hip hop I began to feel a knocking against my belly button. I glanced down to find the culprit looking up at me with a cheeky squint in his eye and a noticeable timber like quality to his stance. I began to break down what might've stirred this rascal from his kip. Hmm.. I wasn't thinking of anything TOO naughty or explicitly sexual. The Beastie Boys and their white boy rap didn't normally get me off, could I be turning into some sort of Hip Hop deviant ? Then it struck me.. The vibrations on this old London red bus may have simulated some sort of sexual experience that might have set my loins alight with lust, and fooled my penis into thinking it was feeding time.

So.. My new year's resolution is to coach and coerce the big man downstairs into keeping out of sight when in public. I may also boycott buses for a while too, well, either that or I'll just have a wank.

 Declan R