Sunday, December 2, 2012

Ho, ho, ho fuck, is that all?

It’s that time of year again, Christmas, Hanukah, we’ve even got a black guy on the over nights celebrates Kwanza! What’s that all about then? I should ask him but fuck it, I don’t care enough to chat with him on my own time. We never work together, I’m on steady days, he’s on steady nights, why would I talk to him, to anyone here, if I’m not getting paid? The porters have put the lights up, and the tree, and the Hanukah thing, we don’t have anything to do with Kwanza yet but it’s early days, it’s only the second of December. The guys running the elevators all have their lists ready, last year’s lists out, the real one and the one they took home to the wife, checking off their Christmas tips. I never know if you should call them Christmas tips or not. I mean, us, the guys who work in the building we’re mostly Catholic, mostly lapsed, but the tenants, the ones who give us the tips, are nearly all Jews. Blood Money’s what I call it. It’s barely a gratuity; it’s more a bribe, something to hold over you. You don’t take care of me during the year; I’ll fuck you in December! Most give $100s. What’s that, less than $2s a week? Of course there’s some good ones, nice people who genuinely appear to appreciate the job we do (you think it’s easy been a doorman? This is not a quiet building my friend. I’ve gone up a size and two widths in shoes since I started here). I get $500 from the family in 4C, the old woman in 16A she gives me $1000, I hear Jimmy gets $2000 but he walks her dog on his lunch break every day. Hector says he gets $1500 from 7C. Most of the guys say he’s banging the wife when the old fella’s out of town. Fair play, I’d fuck her for free! I used to get big bucks from 19B. That all stopped after he got a ticket when I was meant to be watching his car. Hey, the meter maid was a bitch and he was on the hydrant. What you gonna do? There’s 3A, she gives $5s. Paddy burned it once. We had a camera, took photos. He thought it was funny ‘til he fell out with Hector who threatened to go to The Feds. He had Paddy great, told him it was a Capital offense to burn U.S. currency. Paddy’s not the sharpest. I got an envelope that rattled my first year here, I won’t tell you who from. I stapled a $20 to it and slid it under their door after drinking half a bottle of blackberry brandy on a double shift. Not the smartest thing I ever did. They wanted me fired but the Super’s a good guy, talked them out of it. I avoid them these days. Fuck that's the husband pulling up now...


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