Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Royally Stitched Up

As the news came out that the Queen was on her deathbed, the country descended into outright chaos. The Prime Minister appeared on television to appeal for calm and understanding in this emotional time, but nothing could change the situation – both Prince Charles and Prince William were missing – the two direct heirs to the throne could not be found. Anywhere. All the international crime agencies were on the case – the CIA, FBI, MI5, Interpol, the KGB, even the Ku Klux Klan.

The Armed Forces abandoned their missions and returned home to conduct house to house searches looking for any clue as to their whereabouts. Prince Harry was placed under the tightest of security as he and Prince Phillip kept a bedside vigil in Buckingham Palace as the Queen slowly faded. Both Camilla and Kate were taken to a secret location for their own safety, as nobody had a clue who was responsible for this audacious attempt.

Parliament debated long into the night, trying to decide what to do. Some wanted to keep the throne vacant until such time as Charles and William could be found, or Charles or William. Then there was the faction that demanded Prince Harry should take his place. Not surprisingly, the Republican sympathisers kept their heads down and their mouths shut for fear of reprisals. Ultimately, after a hotly disputed vote, it was agreed that Prince Harry was to ascend to the throne once the Queen had passed away. A convoy of armour plated limousines conveyed the Prime Minister, Chancellor of the Exchequer and the leaders of the opposition from Westminster to Buckingham Palace, and in a private audience, they informed Prince Harry of their democratic decision. Harry bowed his head and fought back the tears, but regained his composure and thanked the politicians. Arrangements were made for a television address by Harry when the time came.

Harry retreated back into the sanctum of the Queen’s bedroom to be with his Grandmother in her final moments. Silence reigned for about ten minutes, before both Phillip and Harry came out, tear stained and distraught. Harry rushed out of the palace and into a waiting car, speeding away to the consternation of all.

As news of the Queen’s death spread, the television address was all ready to go. The only thing missing was the new King, Harry.

He did eventually arrive and prepared himself for the address. He stood in front of the camera.
“On this most emotional day, I would like to announce the greatest April Fool’s Joke ever.” And through the door and in to shot came the rest of the Royal Family, including the Queen, waving and smiling.

Jonathan M

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